Make me laugh with a collective noun...

I love words and like to laugh, invent a new collective noun and send it to me and I will literally give you nothing. I have started the ball rolling with a " rust of gingers" which is the collective noun for a group of copper tops. Now it's your turn to join in the fun, all the wankers are doing it.

P.S If you see "rust of gingers" used you know who invented it, so hound the person you see copying me with the most cowardly web based vitriol you can muster. Remember on here you are a "big man" as you can hide behind an avatar and a screen so I wanna see all you sad cases really go for it.

Toodles fuckwits.

Who was the funniest bastard ever....

I have often wondered and pondered who was the funniest bastard ever? Now I know alot of you imaginary readers are gonna come back with alot of "Richard Pryors" "Bill Hicks" and "Bobby Davros" but fuck there has been millenia of people and shit there must have been some well funny fuckers. The history books note those gits who where pious or great at war or writing fantastic books, but they forgot to note down the bastard who made king Arthur piss his armour or the witty frog that made Joan of Arc shit her chastity belt. Who was the funniest cave man? Was he the bloke who could do the best impression of a mammouth or was he the hilarious dickhead who wore a gazzeles lungs as a pair of trousers. All i'm saying is that this stuff is worth thinking about and if we ever invent a time machine we should set it to hunt for the funniest dude ever and then he could be brought back to do a speach at my next birthday.

Toodles fuckwits.

I Love my Wife but.........

I love my wife but she is liable to turn me in to a wife killer. Whenever I make a comment about anyone or anything she always feels the need to defend the opposite. Why the fuck does she have to do it, and if I ever bring up this fault she crys and then I instantly become the horror husband. I literally cannot remember the last time that I was right about anything. We have only been married a few months but fuck me the bitch has changed she used to love going out drinking and fucking about, we live in Camden, a great place to go out, but we sit in every fucking night. I have had to give up smoking, I no longer drink. Now admittedly the flat is much cleaner and the food is great and she is hot as fuck but why can't she just do and think exacty how I want her to at all times, almost as if she was Derren Brown, I think blow job, flash, shes on it, I think Jeremy Kyle has alot to do with it cunt that he is why does he constantly use lie detectors when they have been proven to be useless I think I could definatly deck him in a fight.

Toodles Fuckwits.